When I have a difficult day, when things don’t go my way or people don’t give me what I need I remind myself how many people have a harder life, people who need very little for their creativity and peace of mind, people who are successful against all odds and remain a good human being at the same time.
I believe it’s not what we have and not even people around us. It’s what we can do with all those resources no matter how little or how much we have. I often blame myself for not being able to just use what I have and find peace and love with it. Starting from my body. Often I feel like I’m the ugliest person in the world. Unlovable. Mostly because I gained a little bit of weight feeling stressed in the new city. I know I can lose weight. I can probably even make a creative project of my transformation. All that would be possible if my mind wouldn’t jump from thought to thought and I wouldn’t find reasons around me to feel uncomfortable in my environment. Same goes to my creativity. I want much more of myself than what I share here. I have ideas and I know how to make them work but for that again I need to be functional and calm and focused.
People around me are incredibly kind. I feel blocked in every direction and scared. I know though that there’s so much work to be done, so many people I can help if I just let myself live this life without thinking of failure and being unlovable and misunderstood. I am 31 years old and I’m quite strong. I don’t want it to be over. I want to get up and do something in the world. There must be something out there why I’m still here. Why all of us are still here. I choose to believe that there’s possibility of removing blocks and living in harmony with creativity and helping community around. For me it’s a constant doubt but at the same time I see value in it because if you’re in doubt reading this you know you are not alone and I won’t judge you for sharing with me
icreatelife_ (Kristina Kashtanova) shared and selected for Photography.